To the mothers of "under fives"

This one goes out to all of the mamas who have children under 5. Let me see an imaginary show of hands...Who has been describing/lamenting their day, when an older, "more experienced" parent has jumped in and "wisely" said, "Just wait 'till their teenagers!"?? Has anyone else had the urge to say one of the following things...
"Oh! Gee! It looks like you haven't been to the salon in what? Three months? At least you had a shower today!" or
"Gosh it must be hard having children that can wipe their own butts! How useless you must feel!" or
"Is that a smutty Nora Roberts you're reading or "The potty book for girls/boys" ?(for the 7th time today...)"
Don't get me wrong...I treasure the moments, but today was not one that will go into my long term memory I don't think...

3pm- My kids and my borrowed Logan have had enough of the great backyard (after about 6 and a half minutes!) so we decide to go for a walk. Ava rides her scooter, Eli is being pushed on his trike by Logan.
3:01- Eli- "I need to poop" Me- "again!?"
3:06-Attempting walk again...Ava- "I need to poop" Me- "of course you do" Eli-"No Yogan, my trikikle! (pushes Logan into the weeds- Sorry Kate) me- "timeoutgopoopnowLoganyou're okay!"
3:20 (Yes Ava likes to take her time) we are now on our third attempt at a walk and have made it all the way around the corner. Me- "Logan! Don't eat that! (again...sorry Kate) Eli! stop whining!" Ava has now found the only mud puddle in the street and promptly gotten her scooter stuck in it. Eli is now mysteriously holding a stick and coming at Logan who has started to drip snot like a faucet. I had no Kleenex and have chosen to omit how I actually got the snot off of his face. I am by this point carrying both boys and dragging the trike with my right leg. Ava is clinging to my other leg and begging me to carry her muddy scooter home.
3:25 The kids (still wearing outdoor coats/hats/etc.) are lined up on the couch watching Wonder Pets. I love Wonder Pets.
So...to the younger generation, my siblings, anyone that will have "under 5s" in about 10-15 years, I do solemnly swear that I will not pretend like your life will be harder when your little handfuls become teenagers...because it will be a LIE! I will instead smile in my beautifully made up face, shake back my recently highlighted hair (in this fantasy I also have a tan in case anyone is interested) and say, "Enjoy the good times, it will get easier as they get older!" And in my heart of hearts, a little part of me will probably wish that Ava would quit texting her boyfriend and go with me on a scooter ride...

I dare anyone to find a scarier gang of riders this side of the, um, Atlantic